Let’s set aside our inhibitions and have a real conversation about sex, relationships, and abstinence.
Despite biblical teachings (1 Thessalonians 4:3), tons of people would argue that, in today’s society, it’s almost unrealistic to think that anyone would wait to have sex until marriage. The world we live in today tells us that abstinence is an antiquated practice or that no one in their right mind would marry someone without determining whether the sexual chemistry is there first. The list goes on and on, but luckily, some people out there still advocate for waiting until marriage to share something so intimate with their future spouse.
Before we really dive in, I would first like to point out that there is, in fact, a distinction between abstaining from sex and just not having sex. A person might not be sexually active for a variety of reasons. However, abstinence is defined as an intentional and deliberate action to refrain from sexual activity; it is making the decision to save all sexual acts until marriage.
In her book The Naked Truth: About Sex, Love and Relationships, abstinence advocate Lakita Garth says that “abstinence is the art of self-control, self-discipline and delayed gratification.” I get it. You’re probably thinking, Who wants to work that hard for something that is supposed to bring you pleasure? But Garth reminds her readers that there is, in fact, a wonderful reward in the end.
“The fact is, the happiest sex lives are found among those who wait until marriage to have sex,” Garth says. “Those who wait are richly rewarded.”
Waiting to have sex has so many benefits, but here are a few points to start:
Abstinence is more common than you think.
Studies show that only 3%, or 1 in 30 Americans, waited until marriage to have sex. Sure, this number sounds a bit disheartening, but if you stop to think about just how many people that is, it’s not too bad. In fact, that figure means that about 10 million people in America, as we speak, have abstained until marriage. And of course, these stats are even greater within religious groups.
Secondary virginity is a real thing.
Yes, secondary virginity is “a thing.” More and more singles have made the decision to rededicate their lives—and bodies—to God by abstaining from sex. Regardless of their past, they made the decision to start over and choose abstinence even though they initially made the decision to be sexually active in the past. It’s no secret that having sex before marriage has its own negative consequences, including unplanned pregnancy, higher chances of being a single parent, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), the list goes on and on.
In fact, studies show that 40 percent of children were born to unwed mothers, with nearly two-thirds of those mothers under the age of 30. Nine million new cases of STDs are reported among teens and young adults each year. And regardless of whether you have experienced these negative consequences, making the decision to be a secondary virgin means you can look forward to a future free from exposure to these previous hazards. After all, who has time to stress about an unplanned pregnancy or STDs?
“The Wait” is so worth it.
Making the decision to be abstinent is so much deeper than the physical. It provides the opportunity for your relationship to become stronger mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s the beauty in sharing something so intimate with your spouse and the idea of knowing that you are both truly committed to one another.
Hollywood couple Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin wrote an entire book on the power of abstinence in The Wait. In addition to being more spiritually and emotionally grounded, the couple is open about how amazing sex can be with your partner after making the decision to abstain until marriage. “There is nothing wrong with sex and sexuality,” the couple says in a recent interview with Essence magazine. “God created both for the enjoyment of married couples.”
The intimacy that happens within one’s marriage is much greater knowing that sex is something that is only shared between you and your spouse. It’s definitely the icing on the cake.
Can you think of a better option?
Let’s face it, you might have already tried other options besides abstinence, and none of them have worked. Then again, you might be one of those people who made the decision to be abstinent from the very beginning and chose to stick with it until your wedding day. Meagan Good actually chose the former and initially opted to do it her way instead of God’s way. “God had let me make my mistakes,” she says. “Now it was time to do it [His] way.”
In a society of instant gratification, abstinence certainly doesn’t seem ideal for today’s couples, especially people who are seriously attracted to one another. However, I think we all can agree that waiting to have sex until marriage just might be the best decision of your life.
Did you catch Meagan Good and DeVon Franklin on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday? Check out what they had to say about the benefits of abstinence below:
Is it unrealistic to expect people to wait to have sex before marriage? Share your thoughts below.
The sun is out and barbecue grills are fired up. The long-awaited summer season has returned. With longer days and hotter temperatures, everyone is filling their social calendars with vacations, local events, and outside activities to make up for time spent indoors during those dreaded winter months. We’ve put together a list of summer ideas that are sure to make this season one to remember.
1) Pick a Concert
What better way to enjoy the summer than attending concerts and music festivals. Major artists such as; Kirk Franklin, Beyoncé, Tina Campbell , Drake, Adele and many more will tour across the nation creating the perfect night out for fans everywhere. Many cities will also host music festivals, some that are nationally sought after and others that are local jewels. Newark Folk Festival, Made in America and Essence Music Festival are but a few of the many music events that parks and waterfronts across the nation will host.
2) Book a Vacation
Memorial Day Weekend and Labor Day mark the beginning and end of the summer travel season. It is during this time that parents save vacation days for exciting family trips while kids are on break. These months also provide the perfect opportunity to take a girl’s trip, guy’s trip, plan a wedding, or explore a new city solo. This summer, set aside some time and plan a trip that fits your budget to gain experiences and make memories that are priceless. Travel to a new country and absorb the local culture. Visit a new and exciting city. Find time for some rest and relaxation away from the hustle and bustle of the regular work and school week. Now may be a good time to add new stamps to your passport.
3) Explore Your City
How well do you know your state, City or Neighborhood? The U.S. is full of popular, as well as less known, treasures unique to each state. Busy work, school, and family schedules often do not allow time to just be a tourist in our own backyards. This summer, take some time to explore the place you call home. Not sure where to go? Look up your state’s national parks, beaches, museums, campsites, community events and other tourist attractions for ideas on how to better enjoy your state.
4) Spend Some Quality Time
Summertime is the perfect opportunity to spend much-needed quality time with family, friends, and yourself. Whether you’re building your vacation around a family reunion, or picking out the best spa package for you and the girls, don’t let this summer pass without reconnecting with those that matter the most.
5) Take Up a Hobby
Have you ever wanted to try something new but can’t find time to do so? With longer days and warmer weather, find some time to pick up a new hobby. Group activities such as sip and paint classes have become increasingly popular for those that want to explore their artistic side. And for those that are interested in fitness, activities such as Destination Fit-Trip provide the opportunity to travel to a new country and participate in group fitness workouts with popular personal trainers. Hobbies can be expensive, however, sites such as Living Social and Groupon allow you to search for various activities at a discounted rate and participate in different types of experiences.
6) Work on Special Projects
Special projects, such as home improvement, are a huge task to undertake both physically and financially. Whether you’re completing the project yourself, or contracting outside help, this summer could be the perfect time to remodel that kitchen or bathroom, add the extra bedroom to the house, or re-do the deck just in time for barbecues. If special projects will be the task of the summer, make sure you utilize Fourth of July sales to save costs on supplies, and complete the work before the season changes.
Do you have any other great ideas to add to the list? Share them with us below.
This week, Roots, the classic tale of slavery and survival, was revived and reimagined by the History Channel, and a new generation was empowered. Twitter erupted in animated commentary through the hashtags #RootsSyllabus, #KuntasKin, #Kizzy, #ChickenGeorge and #KuntaKinte. This year marks 40 years since the world was introduced to the original adaptation of Alex Haley’s best-selling novel, and many of the themes throughout this slave narrative continue to reflect some of the issues and values today in our community, including spirituality, tradition, values, and wisdom of a family of survivors. The four-part series showed us that regardless of our situation, it is absolutely imperative that we continue to persevere in mind, body, soul, and family. Below are several lessons that we, as a people, are able to take from this Alex Haley classic:
‘Your name is your spirit.’
The story of Kunta Kinte begins with his father, a Mandinka warrior, lifting him to the heavens to ask for his name, which was to be his purpose. This tradition was carried out generationally as a way to surrender the child to God (called Allah in the film) to allow them to become a vessel of purpose, which is similar to what we do today during a child’s baptism or dedication ceremony. Purpose gives life to another purpose and that purpose becomes legacy. This tradition is a foundation of spiritual fortitude that is to guide us through our lives and can be seen in Christianity and other faiths. However, the question for us all is “Are we named for our purpose and are we living it?”
We praise a God of all people.
What was interesting to see was the correlation between how the Black community is divided in spiritual beliefs back then and how it still rings true today. Some believe that Christianity was taught to Black people as a tool of control. Today, some look at Christianity in a degenerate way that made Black people meek, submissive, and unwilling to fight. Kizzy was most vocal about the faith with the statement ‘Jesus ain’t done nothing for Black people’. As time passed she and George’s wife Matilda, a Christian, were able to come to a mutual understanding of the spirit that recognized God.
Photo Courtesy of Twitter/RootsSeries
We are warriors.
Kunta Kinte was raised to be a warrior and every generation after became one almost by default of their spiritual connection. Kizzy was empowered by her father to be a warrior of the mind, body, and spirit. Although she fought for her freedom, she was ultimately still enslaved, but not in her mind. As our youth continue to be bullied by peers or police we have to continue to raise them to be warriors within the mind and spirit. This is a value well carried in the Black community, that has allowed us to overcome many things post slavery. But we must ask ourselves how can we help others who have lost their ‘warrior way’?
She’s hard-headed and I like her.
With the empowerment and simultaneous attack on Black women’s beauty, intelligence, fortitude, and accomplishments, there was such a wonderful representation of how we’ve always had success in our blood. Kizzy, the daughter of Kunta Kinte, embodied all of these qualities and took pride in it, which is what made her attractive. Even after giving birth to George as a result of being raped, she had the strength to love her son and raise him with the values she learned from her parents. The key element in all of this was the mutual respect between men and women for their strengths. When George wanted to marry Matilda, it is revealed that he was attracted to her stubbornness and strength, qualities similar to his mother Kizzy. That alone is a statement. This is a message to all Black women. It is your birthright to be amazing!
Photo Courtesy of Twitter/RootsSeries
‘We will not survive as enemies.’
Today, the Black community faces a crisis of crippling acts that is tearing us apart, including crime-induced, petty arguments, pride, greed. When Kunta is taken on to the slave ship there was a moment where many warriors from different tribes complained and argued until someone said ‘We will not survive as enemies.’ In the community today, we have people like Fiddler (Henry), who are able to ‘play by the rules’ and try to guide others out of their chained mindset. And there are other figures, like the tribe that sold the Mandinga warriors to the Europeans, who are driven by the aforementioned, crippling acts, without realizing that we are all on the same ship. When the slaves unified, regardless of their titles in their homeland, the ship’s power began to crumble. How have we not realized the value in being unified in the spirit?
Family is the root of wholeness.
Family is the nucleus of survival and spiritual connection throughout the entire series. There were many family dynamics that dictated how the various characters operated. Kunta and Belle were in love and had Kizzy which is comparable to a conventional family unit. On the other hand, George is the illegitimate child of the slave master Tom Lee, with whom he has a ‘weekend Dad’ relationship, which is strained when Lee treats him like a slave instead of a son. Eventually, when George and Tom repair their strained relationship, it can be compared to a situation when a father is absent for an extended period of time and eventually attempts to rebuild that relationship. What was seen in each of these situations was an unbreakable bond that allowed the evolution of the spirit and tradition. Despite any circumstance, the dedication to family is the root of wholeness back then and even more so now.
So what is Roots really about? It is about living in our spiritual purpose as we, as a community, walk through generational circumstances and evolve as a whole to honor our spiritual lineage.
The world has changed. Not only do we get content and information in print but we have content readily accessible on our mobile devices. It’s no surprise then that the Bible, the most popular book in the world, can be downloaded as an app.
Many people like the feel of the pages in a print Bible but there are times when a phone or a tablet may be a bit more convenient. When traveling, some people would rather just read the Bible on their phones than lug around the printed page. And they’re definitely not bringing commentaries or study materials.
Many pastors are also starting to realize that their congregations are immersed in the world of digital, so they encourage their members to look at the sermon passage on their phone or tablet.
Yes, the world has changed, so here at Urban Faith, we thought we’d give our recommended list of top bible apps to download to your phone or tablet.
Bible.is
Bible.is is the world’s largest Bible language library. This versatile app includes print, audio and video Bibles in more than 1600 translations. Yes, you read that correctly, 1600+ translations! It even includes sign language. This is like the United Nations of Bible apps. If you have been looking for the Bible in a particular language then Bible.is delivers the goods.
From their website: Together with the ministry of Faith Comes By Hearing, Bible.is provides a vast library of Bible translations to bring God’s church together making disciples from every nation, tribe, language, and people with the tools and technology of today.
YouVersion
The YouVersion Bible app is a beast! You get multiple translations and all kinds of bible reading plans. This is the perfect app for someone to get started with the daily discipline of reading the Bible.
From their website: Our focus remains on relevancy as we consistently strive to demonstrate and teach people how God’s Word relates to everyone, no matter where they are in life… We aren’t just building a tool to impact the world using innovative technology, more importantly, we are engaging people into relationships with God as they discover the relevance the Bible has for their lives.
Olive Tree
You know how it is. Sometimes you want to dip into several different passages of scripture. You want to explore commentaries and maps. Well, they have an app for that. Olive Tree is definitely a great app for Bible study.
From their website: This free Bible Study App features a powerful Resource Guide that links your Bible text with outstanding study Bibles, maps, commentaries, and more for an in-depth Bible study experience. Start a Bible reading plan and Bible+ will track your progress as you read through Scripture.
From their website: With easy‐to‐use tools and a massive theological library, Logos 6 delivers insight. Pinpoint answers in seconds, study the Word in its cultural context, uncover meaning in the original languages, and answer questions with confidence.
Accordance
This is like the refined, millennial version of Logos. The Accordance app is all about speed and usability. Basically, it’s Logos with a better interface.
From their website: Your time is valuable, so Bible study software shouldn’t be cumbersome or complicated. Accordance Bible Software places all the tools you need right at your fingertips in one easy to use, lightning-fast interface. And with a host of amazing new features in Accordance 11, going deeper in the study of the scriptures has never been simpler.
Besides powerful study tools like the ones we’ve mentioned, there are other tools that can help you with not only studying, but applying God’s word. One topic many Christians struggle with is how to apply their faith to their work life. Download the UMI Connection app now and experience the My Work Matters Career Journey. This journey features the eParachute self-inventory along with other interactive exercises and a chance to win a $1,000 award to continue your education.
We get it. Being unemployed can be an extremely stressful experience, so here are a few tips to help you land your next job:
Attend Job Fairs
Job fairs are a great way to get in front of local employers who are hiring. And while you’re at it, be sure to bring several copies of your resume. There’s a good chance that some employers may conduct on-the-spot interviews.
Consult Within Your Circle
Your family and friends are sometimes great resources to help you find your next job. Ask around to see if anyone has heard of companies hiring in your area.
Connect with Local Headhunters
Did you know there are companies out there that will do all of the job hunting for you? There are several companies that are paid by employers to help find suitable candidates. All you have to do is contact them and they will take it from there.
Google It
I think we can all agree that Google has changed the entire process of job-hunting for the better. Try typing in key terms for your desired industry and an entire list of potential employers will automatically populate the search engine.
Download the FREE UMI Connection app for more employment tips and other ways to best use your talents for God’s work.
James Fortune has won three Stellar awards and has been nominated twice for a Grammy award. In 2004, his hit single “You Survived” was the second most played gospel song in the country; even now, 12 years later, it remains in the top seven of most-played gospel songs.
In 2001, three years before Mr. Fortune lit up the gospel music scene with “You Survived” and other popular tracks, he stripped his then-four-year-old stepson naked, beat him with a switch, ran a tub full of scalding hot water, forced the already-battered child into that tub, and held him there. When speaking to the 911 emergency dispatcher about the incident, he lied, saying the child burned himself by running the water at a too-hot temperature and getting into the tub. He pleaded guilty to the charge of felony injury of a child, but in a statement after the trial, stressed that he was never convicted of any felony charge. His trouble with the law didn’t end there.
On October 24, 2014, Mr. Fortune was arrested for aggravated assault of a family member with a deadly weapon. The family member turned out to be his wife, and the weapon was revealed to have been a bar stool. In 2016, through a plea deal, he pleaded guilty to the aggravated assault charge—a third-degree felony—and received five days in jail plus five years of probation. Other than some irate women commenters on websites that have covered the incidents, the response from the Christian community seems to have been a collective “So what?”
The “so what” factor isn’t entirely surprising but is nonetheless disappointing. A four-year-old child was burned on over 40% of his body and permanently disfigured, and a woman suffered broken bones and internal injuries. Certainly that child and that woman deserved more from the Christian community than they received. In fact, James Fortune in interviews has thanked fans for their love and support during those times, but where was the love and support for his stepson and wife? Don’t their lives matter?
This isn’t the first time a high-profile Black Christian has become entangled with the law or transgressed the law of God. Contemporary Christian music mega-star Israel Houghton admitted to committing adultery and causing the breakup of his 20-year marriage; World Changers Ministries leader Creflo Dollar was investigated for allegedly choking his teenage daughter during a verbal conflict at their home; Bishop Eddie Long was outed for allegedly having multiple sexual relationships with young men; Minister Thomas Weeks stomped then-wife and popular evangelist Juanita Bynum in an Atlanta hotel parking lot.
Grammy Award Winner Israel Houghton performs for a sold out audience. Houghton is one of many gospel greats that has publicly admitted to infidelity in his marriage.
Because of sin, potential scandal resides within the bosom of every follower of Christ, so the question becomes, “What say we to these things?” because more definitely needs to be said and done.
First, acknowledge that sin is real, and the struggle to overcome it is real. It causes real damage and suffering. Here language makes a difference and often reveals hesitation to call a thing a thing. Too often the “all” in “all have sinned” only includes others, and the “sinned” gets labeled as episodes of misspeaking, misconduct, mistake, and other non-culpable acts.
If sin is named and claimed by the perpetrators, true healing and restoration can begin. Which leads to the second necessary adjustment: change the objective of accountability. The legitimate reasons to hold James Fortune and others in similar positions accountable are to restore them to right fellowship with God and with their fellow believers and to heal the heart of susceptibility toward that sin.
Humiliation, disgrace, and revenge or vindication are not acceptable motives for calling anyone to account for sin. If violence, non-marital sex, lying, manipulation, and such are treated as sin, the connection between the problem and the remedy becomes much more apparent.
Third, restore biblical church discipline. Talk to almost any Black churchgoer, and you’re liable to hear a story of someone in a leadership position being “sat down” for some wrongdoing. But just sitting a person down doesn’t necessarily produce restoration for the guilty party, nor healing for the victims.
Authentic church discipline scares people because it violates two long-held and sacrosanct views of addressing problems and trouble in the Black community—keep it quiet and don’t judge. Moreover, secular ideas of shame have crept into the thinking of many church leaders and congregants alike, resulting in a laissez-faire approach to dealing with sin and its consequences.
Finally, remember the victims. Seeing James Fortune’s plight play out in the media is an opportunity to re-examine compassion and grace but also to reconsider justice and healing. There are many James Fortunes, Cheryl Fortunes, sons, and daughters living through similar circumstances.
They need justice for the sin committed against them and healing for the devastation wrought within them. Their pain needs to be acknowledged and addressed within the context of meaningful accountability and action, and we must be able to depend on Christian leaders to shepherd people through these processes.
Have you witnessed instances of authentic, effective church discipline in your congregation?
Have you ever been part of an accountability group or reconciliation process?
If the church isn’t addressing these issues effectively, what legitimate role does the state play in getting justice for victims?
3) Explore Your City
5) Take Up a Hobby
Besides powerful study tools like the ones we’ve mentioned, there are other tools that can help you with not only studying, but applying God’s word. One topic many Christians struggle with is how to apply their faith to their work life. Download the 