8 Ways to Pull Yourself Up When You’re Going through Hell

8 Ways to Pull Yourself Up When You’re Going through Hell

by | Jan 30, 2019 | Relationships | 3 comments

 

We don’t mean to lie, but when someone asks us how we’re doing, it is much easier to say that we are “fine” or “blessed” than to tell the whole truth. The reality is that we are not always fine. There are times when we are going through hell. We face personal hell—conflict in close relationships, failing health, toxic work environments, financial struggle, church hurt, and other distress. If that wasn’t enough, in the age of moral decline, we are also going through hell in the social and political landscape of our lives with political maneuvering, state-sanctioned violence against Black people at the hands of police, pervasive patriarchy and gender inequality, and racial disparities in education, employment, healthcare, and housing. Even if you are not distressed personally, with increased access to information, we are constantly bombarded with bad news, which can wear on our hearts and minds. Whatever hell you are going through, we offer these eight suggestions to pull yourself up:

  1. Breathe: In times of stress and hardship, notice your breathing. Often when we are feeling anxious or overwhelmed, our breathing tends to be shallow. Research has shown that deep breathing lowers stress, heart rate, and blood pressure. A simple breathing technique to try is to sit upright, shoulders relaxed, arms resting by your sides, with your eyes closed. Inhale through your nose for five counts, then exhale through your mouth for five counts, repeating this process 3-10 times. If you find yourself in a persistent state of hell, make time daily for deep breathing to help release tension and stress. Deep breathing won’t make the issues go away, but it will calm you and clear your mind to face the issues.
  2. Pray: In moments of trial, prayer is beneficial for many reasons. First, it invites us to pause and connect with God—to be reminded that we are deeply loved and are not alone. Second, prayer gives us an opportunity to release our burdens to the One who is able to bear the weight of all that we carry. Lastly, prayer reminds us that the hell we experience on earth is no comparison to the joy we will experience in the eternal presence of God, filling us with hope and power to forge ahead despite what we are facing.
  3. Phone a Friend: In addition to divine connection, human connection is vital to our well-being. In particularly burdensome times, talking with a friend—whether via text, telephone, or in person—has a way of lifting your spirits. Be sure to connect with friends who will listen deeply and empathize with you; I am reminded of the story of Job in the Bible when he was going through hell and his friends showed up. They cried with him and sat with him in his pain. Their presence comforted him greatly and did not become a nuisance until later in the story when they began to insert their thoughts and opinions about what he was going through instead of simply being with him.
  4. Play: In our culture and society, play is viewed as children’s business or trivial, but I would argue that play and movement are necessary for well-being, especially when in the midst of hardship. Think about it: In elementary school, even the most stressful days and bickering amongst friends was cured by a game of kickball, double-dutch, or running around on the jungle gym. Recreation has a way of creating us again and invigorating us for life. My preferred play is running. Join a pick-up game of basketball, head to the bowling alley with friends, or dance with reckless abandon with your children. Whatever you do, allow yourself to engage in an activity that brings you joy and gets you moving!
  5. Count Your Blessings: There is something about a posture of gratitude that helps to encourage us. When going through hell and everything seems to be going wrong, recounting the aspects of life that are going well and the people and things we are grateful for is an instant mood lifter. There is a saying, “I have more to be thankful for than to complain about” and when we think about and name our blessings, the pressure of our problems is allayed.
  6. Repeat a Mantra: Mantras are typically not associated with Christianity; however the word mantra simply means to think. It is a thought, word or phrase repeated to inspire, motivate, ground, or calm an individual. A mantra can be a quotation from Scripture that encourages you to persevere through tough times or a phrase that cultivates and strengthens your faith and resolve in times of suffering. I have a friend who when faced with obstacles that appear insurmountable repeats the mantra, “God is bigger!” It’s has helped her get through many distressing situations.
  7. Extend Yourself Grace: Sometimes we can be especially hard on ourselves, even when we are going through difficult times. The reality is that the expectations we have of ourselves we would never have of others if they found themselves in situations that mirror our own. When I am going through hell, trying to keep things together, I find it helpful to treat myself the way I would treat a friend. This means reminding myself that I’m doing the best I can or permitting myself to rest. It also means speaking kindly to myself when I fall short.
  8. Recognize that this is temporary: In the moment, it often feels like the hellish experiences that we are having will last forever, but the operative word in the phrase going through hell is “Going.” When facing various trials and tribulations, it is important to remember that where we are is not where we’ll always be; There will come a day when this hell will be a distant memory, and a testament to your grace, strength, resilience, and resolve.

What does the Bible mean to Black millennials?

What does the Bible mean to Black millennials?

by | Oct 15, 2018 | Commentary | 5 comments

In our shifting religious landscape — one that largely does not formally hear and heed the voices of Black millennials — I’ve wondered how they value and engage Scripture as they flip the pages of the Bible or scroll the sacred text on smartphones.

Out of curiosity, because I’m not a millennial, I posed several questions specifically to Black Christians in this age group across my social media networks — Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram — which are teeming with this demographic. I asked, “What does the Bible mean to you? How do you engage the Bible? How does the Bible inform your faith? How important is the Bible in your life?” Not surprisingly, I received only one response on Facebook — three pairs of emoji googly eyes, watching and waiting for more responses that never came. It spoke volumes, especially considering the responses may have invited criticism, at best, or be deemed heretical, at worst.

But I’ve witnessed thoughtful posts and participated in conversations from the respondent and other Black Christian millennials about faith, the Black church, and even the Bible on Facebook. I’ve seen images on Instagram of personal Bibles with passages underlined and questions scribbled in the margins. I’ve followed conversations on Twitter challenging Black churches to have transparent conversations.

Video Courtesy of Brianna Kristelle

God said it, I believe it, but I have questions…

Transparent conversations require a willingness to ask and wrestle with questions, which is characteristic of the ways in which Black Christian millennials engage the Bible and is antithetical to older Black Christians who rarely raise questions of the Bible — a lamp for their feet and a light on their path. When The Christian Post recently featured a story on comedian Rickey Smiley, who shared that at age 50 he was just starting to question some of the stories in the Bible and how they are being used to support white supremacy and pastoral abuse of power, the overwhelming response that I saw from Black millennials was applause for Smiley’s courage in asking questions out loud and challenging the ethos of congregations where doing so is forbidden.

Black Christian millennials are interested in more than clichés, more than pat words appealing to their felt needs, and more than rote memorization of the Bible. This couldn’t be more clear than at the God-Talk: A Black Millennials and Faith Conversation held at the California African American Museum in Los Angeles. Priska Neely tweeted Candice Benbow’s response to the question, “If black millennials are leaving the church, where are they going?” Benbow responded “Brunch. We will tithe to brunch. We will sit there knowing that every single person at the table affirms who we are.” Brunch, for Black millennials, is the place where they can be authentic and ask questions, including questions of the Bible. Questions such as: What does the Bible have to say about racial justice, gender justice, sexual abuse, economic justice, environmental justice, and mental health? How does the Bible speak to theological and cultural needs? What role does the Bible play in informing faith in ways that spark action and policy change in the face of violence, trauma, and corruption? How does the Bible speak to joy, resilience, wholeness, and community? And let’s be honest, these questions make many uncomfortable, especially older African Americans who have a rigid relationship with the Bible.

The Gift of Questions

But all is not lost. The late singer and activist Ruby Dee said, “The greatest gift is not being afraid to question.” Black millennial Christian engagement of the Bible, including asking critical and probing questions is a gift. It does not lead to Bible skepticism or doubting God. Rather, asking questions of the text, wrestling with ideas and theology while engaging the world opens the door for deep and resilient faith, fresh encounters with God, and passion to work for God’s justice in the world. And perhaps, if traditionally Black Protestant churches encouraged a culture in which asking questions was cultivated, Black millennials might be more apt to skip brunch on Sunday morning, be present in the sanctuary, and worship a God who is loving, merciful, and big enough to handle all the questions.